Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
