kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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