It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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