Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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