Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
