is your mom at the bar?
i would punch a child for taco bell
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
