Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
