As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
