my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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