10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
His nipple licking is glorious
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