I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
