ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
