the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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