He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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