help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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