don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
