i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
