Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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