I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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