well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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