I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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