hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
