My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
