It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
