I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
