ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
