Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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