the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
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Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
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Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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