No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
