dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize