I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
