This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
