I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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