If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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