I think my fart just growled at me.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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