I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
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I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
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Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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