You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
false alarm. still invincible.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
