You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
