Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Can Purell be used as lube?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
