He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
