I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize