I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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