My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
