apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
