We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
