How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
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My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
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You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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