i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
