Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
