Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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