I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
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my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
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Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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