dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
