fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
