I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
