You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
