You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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