No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
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Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
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Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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