boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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