just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
