you have to choose: penises or morals?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
