This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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