does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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