I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
