My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
