Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
