Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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