Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
