Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
