If i could tip my vagina, i would.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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