Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
