look no pants
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
