her vagine was all disorganized.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
