everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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