Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
