Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
