can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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